Day THIRTY

Your highs and lows of the past 30 days
HIGHS:
Lost 2 more pounds.
Bought my own Elliptical machine.
Rori is on the verge of laughing out loud for the first time.
Had an awesome girls night out and actually got tipsy!
My relationship with Tom just keeps getting better.
Convinced Tom to move closer to the coast.
Started up my own business!! {Coming soon!}
Quit my job to become a stay-at-home mom.
Rori sleeps thru the night.

LOWS:
Pre-pregnancy clothes still don't fit right.
Feeling unproductive without a job.
The last of my maternity money arrived.
Medi-Cal refused to pay for portions of my pregnancy bills.
Found a baby rattlesnake inside the house.

Day TWENTY NINE

A picture of someone you miss

I miss my Mommy! She moved to Bolivia, South America when Tom and I were living in Florida. I miss her more now that I have a daughter of my own and wish she could be here to watch Rori grow. Thank God for Skype though!

Day TWENTY EIGHT

A picture of your night



Yes, this is a baby rattlesnake. Yes, it is in my house under a glass bowl. And yes, it is deadly. Well, WAS deadly until Tom came home and killed it. So far this is the extent of my night. I am now wearing Ugg boots, socks and pants in case he has friends lurking. And of course I shook my Ugg boots to make sure his friends weren't in them!

I was in the bedroom changing Rori and I heard my phone ring. Finished up and walked into the living room. Picked up my cell phone to call Tom back {cuz that's who had called} and went to sit on our chaise lounge chair with Rori still in my arms. I heard a growl. I looked over at Pebbles {my Mini Dachshund} on the other side of the chaise lounge and her ears were perked way up and she was frozen, still growling away at something. I stood back up and peeked over the chair to see a little snake coiled. At first I thought "what a cute lil guy!" and was thinking it was a common baby garden snake. I told the weiners to get in their crates and they obeyed immediately...strange! I set Rori in her in her swing because it's off the ground and turned around to get a better look. That's when it hit me. That is a beautiful snake...awesome markings. Not your garden variety harmless snake. I froze for a moment, then grabbed a giant bowl outta the kitchen. I spent the next few minutes chasing this snake around the living room, still not 100% sure what kind it was, until I got the bowl on top of it.

First thing I did was call Tom. I told him "I think there's a baby rattle snake in the house." He was about to call the neighbor to come rescue me but I told him I had already captured it and Rori, the dogs and I were safe. He seemed impressed. I then went to the computer and googled "baby Rattlesnake". First picture that popped up was of an identical snake in an identical bowl. OK, it's a rattler. I then freaked out and started shaking. I'm not afraid of snakes at all, but BABY Rattlers are extremely dangerous and have the power to kill you.

Tom came home and while he was "taking care of it" I went into the other room. I still have a hard time watching animals suffer, deadly or not.

Now I am super paranoid and think every wire and shoelace is a snake. It's gonna be a rough evening!

Day TWENTY SEVEN

Something you are currently worrying about

Now that I have officially quit my job I am definitely worried about money. Tom makes enough to support the 3 of us but it's going to be awfully strange not having my own money. I am still planning on going back to bartending school for a refresher so I can get a P/T evening job and save and buy things I like/want without feeling guilty. Money is at the top of my worry list at the moment.

Day TWENTY SIX

Something you always think "what if..." about

Don't take this the wrong way but I often wonder "what if I had never met Tom". What if I hadn't decided to go over to Ryan's house, had never gotten screwed over by the guy I was currently dating and if Tom had never swooped in to cheer me up when I felt like crap...? What if...? Well, I would probably still be the hardass I used to be when I was in a relationship. I honestly used to make my boyfriend's cry! It's true! I always wore the pants in the relationship. Then Tom came along and there was no way I was gonna be that way with him. He wouldn't let me! And I realized he was the kind of guy I should've been dating all along. LOL. Ok, back to "what if". The biggest thing is Rori wouldn't be here which would be horrible because I can't imagine life without her now. But I would be alot more trusting and carefree because I would never have had my heart broken. Not to the extent it was shattered. I would never have had the intense hatred that I carry in my heart everyday of my life...that never fades or diminishes.

I wouldn't trade me and Tom's relationship for the world. He is 100% my soulmate but even soulmates aren't perfect. So I often think "what if.." but in the end what I have now is worth the torment I endured. Would I do it all over again? No. But I am very happy with how it turned out and it is what it is.

Day TWENTY FIVE

Favorite band/artist

One of my best friends {Kelly} got me liking Rob Zombie. I had always liked good rock music and was immediately taken by his music. It's dark but with a super catchy beat. His lyrics are amusing and fun...the best for romping a truck thru the desert to.

"Dragula"

Dead I am the one, Exterminating son
Slipping through the trees, strangling the breeze
Dead I am the sky, watching angels cry
While they slowly turn, conquering the worm

Dig through the ditches,
And burn through the witches
I slam in the back of my
Dragula

Dig through the ditches,
Burn through the witches
I slam in the back of my
Dragula

Dead I am the pool, spreading from the fool
Weak and want you need, nowhere as you bleed
Dead I am the rat, feast upon the cat
Tender is the fur, dying as you purr

Dig through the ditches,
And burn through the witches
I slam in the back of my
Dragula

Dig through the ditches,
And burn through the witches
I slam in the back of my
Dragula

Do it baby, Do it baby
Do it baby, Do it baby
Burn like an animal

Dead I am the life, dig into the skin
Knuckle crack the bone, 21 to win
Dead I am the dog, hound of hell you cry
Devil on your back, I can never die

Dig through the ditches,
And burn through the witches
I slam in the back of my
Dragula

Dig through the ditches,
And burn through the witches
I slam in the back of my
Dragula

Do it baby, Do it baby
Do it baby, Do it baby
Burn like an animal

Dig through the ditches,
And burn through the witches
I slam in the back of my
Dragula

Dig through the ditches,
And burn through the witches
I slam in the back of my
Dragula

Dig through the ditches,
And burn through the witches
I slam in the back of my
Dragula

Day TWENTY FOUR

Three confessions of your choice

• Finally convinced Tom to move closer to the coast...we need more storage space, a nursery, a garage and a fenced yard. He is checking to see if we can break our lease this week!
• After being a vegetarian for 6 years, I enjoy bacon wayyyy too much!
• I sometimes feel overwhelmed having 3 dogs.

Day TWENTY THREE

What you wear to bed

Well this is a boring day! I wear sweats or yoga pants or shorts with a tank or tee or sweatshirt {usually Tom's}. Here's a pic of me in tonight's attire. LOL

Those are actually my maternity sweatpants {LOL} and 1 of Tom's USMC sweatshirts. This is typical bedtime attire for a chilly night. It's in the mid forties in Valley Center tonight.



Day TWENTY TWO

A picture of you & the person you've been closest with the longest

I can honestly say thru thick and thin Arianne has been my closest friend for the longest time. I think we've been friends for 16+ years! And boy, have we been thru some stuff!! We have more inside jokes and old memories than I have with any of my other friends. She knows me inside and out. We have never been in a fight {except for a few minutes when I shoved shaving cream in her face. LOL That's another story.}.
We can go weeks without talking and months without seeing each other and pick up right where we left off.  We have been there for each other during heartbreaks and joys. She truly is my BFF.

Day TWENTY ONE

Your religious beliefs

I believe in God and consider myself a Christian. Although organized religion doesn't really appeal to me anymore and I'm not quite sure the extent I believe everything in the Bible, I am glad to have morals and ethics that were definitely bestowed upon me while going to church. I don't look down on other religions or lack of religion and I am definitely not a Bible thumper by any means, but I have my faith, my God and prayer. I absolutely believe in the power of prayer and turn to God when I need him...and even when I don't. I thank him daily for the gift of my beautiful daughter and for my life. God is good! =)

Day TWENTY

A list of things that scare you

• Death
• Black widow spiders {don't mind any other spiders tho}
• Something bad happening to my family/friends/pets
• Being a mother
• The future
• Tattoos {gettin a "Rori" tattoo very soon, my first}
• Never getting married
• Getting my heart broken again
• Rori getting sick/hurt for the first time
• Surgery
• Never getting my old body back
• Not working
• Never seeing my Grannie again if she decides not to come out this summer from England
• Being poor
• Getting older

Day NINETEEN

Photo of the town you live in

I live in Valley Center, California. There really isn't much of a town. This pic is of a view from our bedroom porch and part of the town is down in that valley. We don't have a grocery store or even a Walmart! There's one gas station, a couple liquor stores and a post office. We have a handful of good mom and pop restaurants tho!

The population is 7,323. Hahaha. That makes me laugh. The main crops out here are oranges, avocado, lemons and lavender. Mostly a farming/agricultural community there are lots of llamas and poultry. Quite a few famous people have lived in Valley Center including Bill Murray, Gary Cooper, Benji {yes, the dog}, Fred Astaire & John Wayne. The other good thing we have here is Bates Nut Farm.

Day EIGHTEEN

Something you regret

So there are 2 things that pop into my head immediately when I think of regret. Number 1:

Moving across the entire country with a boy I barely knew. In the long run it ended up working out, but most of you know the heartache I went thru at the tail end of of our journey back home. It seemed like a huge waste of time for a bit. I missed my mom moving out of the country, the selling of my childhood home, 2 funerals of close friends and more. I can never get that back.

And the second thing I regret:
CUTTING MY HAIR...every time I do it I regret it! The first pic is of me with my beautiful, long, flowing black hair. The second pic is when I chopped it all off!!


Day SEVENTEEN

The contents of your fridge, MTV Cribs style

So I have a confession...I organized the fridge a lil bit before takin this pic! Haha! Can you tell?? ;)  I guess this is pretty typical of my fridge. Sorry, no Cristal! So we've got Coors Light {we normally don't drink crappy beer but it was left over from a desert trip.}, cookies {which I bought especially for this weekend knowing Tom would be gone.}, 090909 Stone Ale {being saved for some occassion, who knows?!}, sour cream, yogurt, butter, lettuce, strawberries {which I have a feeling are bad by now}, lots of juice, coffee creamer, frosting & a lot of soy milk {vanilla & plain}. Now, wasn't that exciting?! LOL

Day SIXTEEN

A photo of yourself made up

So I wouldn't exactly say this is me "made up". My hair is only halfway done {I prefer it straight}. This is how I throw myself together while still "working" 24/7 takin care of a newborn. Guess it could be worse, right?!  

Day FIFTEEN

A photo of yourself without make up

Recently I really don't like the way I look. Especially without makeup. I don't feel pretty, I feel overweight because my clothes don't fit and I am sooo pale. It took alot for me to take a picture with no makeup on and post it for everyone to see. I also didn't do my hair, which is a disaster. Guess this is my "mommy look". I think sticking my tongue out is a defense mechanism. Maybe people will pay more attention to that than what I look like!

Day FOURTEEN

Pets:

DAISY :: AGE 12

PITBULL/DALMATIAN MIX

Daisy has been my dog since 1999 when she was 6 months old. I rescued her from the pound. She has been {and probably will always be} the best dog I've ever had. She is too smart for her own good, gentle, loving and sweet. As you can see in the picture above she has alot of self control! lol. The only faults she has is a tail that'll whip you hard enough to leave marks and a tendency to raid the trash if you leave something yummy in it! She is fearless except for fireworks, guns {she knows they're bad news even tho we've never shot one around her} and a mad parent {me or Tom!} She howls, sneezes and smiles when she's happy and some people are frightened of her because it looks like she's showing you her teeth when she smiles, but she wouldn't hurt a fly. Ok, maybe she'd hurt a fly...but never a person! {Unless you are messing with someone she loves, she'll stand up for you!} She also feels no pain and has walked around and ran on a broken front leg TWICE! I love this dog and it has been sad to see her age. She limps when we go on walks, she forgets that you just told her not to bark...SIGH.

NIGEL :: AGE 3

CHIHUAHUA/DACHSHUND MIX (CHI-WEENIE)

Nigel is my doggy soulmate. This lil guy can read my mind. He follows me like a shadow and licks my tears when I cry. This dog just gets me. I got him off Craigslist when he was 10 weeks old from a family that could no longer care for him. His next destination was the pound so I rescued him. He has seen me at my absolute worst and I credit this lil man for getting me thru the roughest time in my life. If it wasn't for him I would have stopped getting out of bed. He has been the hardest one to adjust to the new baby because him and I were soooo close. He doesn't like to share me.

PEBBLES :: AGE 4 {5 NEXT MONTH}

PUREBRED MINI DACHSHUND

Pebbles I acquired in Florida. She was one of my pet-sitting clients and when her owner lost her home she asked me to care for her. I'm so glad I did. She is my lil spoiled trouble maker. {Just today she ate one of Rori's hats...again! lol} She quickly became Nigel's BFF and they are inseperable. They even share a crate at night. They cuddle and burrow under blankets together. I nicknamed them "The Weiner's". I even stand outside and call for them..."WEINERS!!" And they both come running...well, Nigel does and Pebbles lolly-gags and takes her sweet time. She just likes to explore and stops to smell the roses...every.single.one. LOL

I also have a beta fish named Clouse {after the American Dad fish}. I usually have some kind of rodent as a pet, the last one was a chinchilla, RIP Dobby. But I usually have pet rats and can't wait til Rori is old enough to be around them! It's a good thing I have Tom around to control my animal "hoarding" as some people call it! ;)

Day THIRTEEN

Your take on drugs and alcohol

I found out early on in my partying days that I was alot like my dad. I enjoy the bottle but everything else makes me extremely paranoid! My take on drugs is "to each their own", but don't expect me to hang around you while you're doin it. And don't you dare bring it around my daughter. Now, don't get me wrong, I've definitely done my share {none of the hard stuff, never even TRIED coke.} but I guess it was my experimental stage. I can count on one hand the amount of times I attempted to smoke pot, cuz everyone else was doin it, but I hated it. Every time.

Hoping this doesn't get me into any trouble, but I've already told my mom what types of drugs I've done in the past, so here it goes: Alcohol obviously...my favorite drug! Gotten me into trouble a few times, ok QUITE a few times and behind bars once! =/ Extacy. I was stuck on it for a summer...definitely made me more dumb than I was before. I guarantee that stuff puts holes in your brain, just like they say. I got tricked into taking a very small amount of Acid in my younger, vulnerable days. Hated it. I've done 'shrooms a couple of times but that's one of the drugs that makes me super paranoid...I tried to call my mom to take me to the hospital...not a good night! I did get stuck on pain pills for a while because they were easily accessible to me. For a while there, they got me thru my days.  Luckily I realized what I was doin to myself and quit. Now I can't imagine distorting my life with drugs. A child changes your perspective on everything.

Drug free is the way to be!

I'll just stick to my tasty beers, fancy wines and the occassional shots. ;)

Day TWELVE

How you found out about blogging and why you made one

There were a handful of my Facebook friends that started blogging and posting it on their pages. I read them everyday and I love reading about other people's daily lives. It's like a reality show but on the internet. I love it. So I decided to do one myself. Dunno if anyone actually reads them or enjoys them but it lets me vent a lil more than a FB status. And I can inform my family that live in England and Bolivia about my life and Rori's life.

Day ELEVEN

 Another picture of you and your friends

This picture is from my 31st birthday last September. I was 6 months pregnant although you can barely tell. LOL. I love that my friends got together and ate cake and ice cream with me instead of the usual drinking and partying. That meant alot to me.

Day TEN

Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad

I would say these artists {John Mayer, Rob Zombie & Ke$ha} are the 3 artists that get my blood pumping. I listen to John Mayer when I'm sad or mellow. Rob Zombie is more of my 'romping thru the desert in my truck' type music...really gets me hyped. And Ke$ha writes songs that I can relate to...her first album got me thru some tough times. Listen to "Backstabber", my all-time favorite Ke$ha song and most of you probably know why!

Day NINE

Something you're proud of in the last few days:

I have decided (and with Tom's ok) to not go back to work F/T. I should be going back over the next couple weeks but I just can't see myself allowing someone else to raise my only child while I'm at a job that I don't really enjoy. I'm proud of myself for deciding this because it's going to be hard financially and I've been working since I was 15. Gonna be a weird change for sure.

I have been looking for P/T work in the evenings so we can have some extra income, but so far no luck. I've been looking into Caregiving and Cocktail Waitressing mostly. Even applied at one of the casino's out here. We'll see. Wish me luck and if anyone knows of any P/T evening jobs in Escondido or Valley Center lemme know!

Day EIGHT

Short term goals for this month and why

My biggest and only goal for the next month is to lose the rest of this baby weight! I have always been very slender...ok, underweight. But a size 3 is what I'm used to and that's how I feel my body should be. I started out pre-pregnancy at 120 lbs but quickly lost 4 lbs from morning sickness...which was really alllll day sickness.

After the sickness subsided I was able to gain the appropriate weight to carry a healthy baby. At my final prenatal appt before going into labor I weighed 161 lbs. So far I have lost 30 lbs without doin anything. No exercise or diet.  I thought this last 10 lbs would melt off like the rest of it...nope.

I started an exercise video this week and actually lost 3 lbs already, so I'm well on my way!

Day SEVEN

A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on me:

"When you're a Mother, you're never alone in your thoughts. A Mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child." - Sophia Loren

My 9 week old daughter, Rori has impacted my life more than words can say. She truely is the love of my life and you can't possibly know the extent of true love until you have a child. It's amazing.

Rori has given my life meaning and I feel like I was supposed to be a mom my whole life, which wasn't always the case. She has made the 3 of us a family and I am forever grateful.

"I may never know the meaning of life, but once my child was born I felt my life had meaning." - Darren Maddern

Day SIX

Favorite Superhero and why:

I don't like this day. I should've changed it. I hate comics and have no interest in superheroes. So I'm changing it up a bit. How 'bout my favorite REAL hero? A soldier!

Namely my favorite ex-soldier, Tom! But really...anyone that has put their life on the line for our freedom is a true hero to me. Any branch, any gender, any age, any length of service...you are all my heroes and I can't thank you enough for what you do. Being away from your families to protect our nation is a noble thing.

THANK YOU!